American Idol 2010 ~ Top 24

Disclaimer: I am not American Idol’s target audience; I can’t recall any of the AI winners (except Kelly Clarkson and maybe not-Adam Lambert, I don’t listen to any graduates of the American Idol competition (okay, maybe some Kelly Clarkson but only post-hissy), and I wouldn’t call in to vote even if I could. So I’m not sure why I feel compelled to offer my commentary on this week’s AI, but I do, and I did, so here it is.

So, what did you think of American Idol’s Top 24? In this corner, the boys: I’m partial to Tyler Grady, maybe not the best vocals but I just love his energy and his wicked awesome moves. I knew he was going to be Top 24 when I saw his audition. And while I agree with the old adage, that neck tattoos are indicative of a person’s ability to make rational decisions, I just love Andrew Garcia’s vibe too.

I’m really conflicted about “Big Mike”. On the one hand, he’s about the only person I would allow to sing “I’m Yours” whose name is not Jason Mraz. But my inner momma bear calls bullshit on not being present at your first child’s birth. Even as I try to reason with said inner voice, momma bear is ready to take him down. Also, I naturally distrust people with muscles bigger than my head. I'm not even going to talk about the douchey hat.

Dear Todrick: Please take out those creepy-ass contact lenses and leave them in the 2000s (and that’s a grace period, because they really went out in the 90s). There’s something wanky about him, too. No likey. But thank you for *not* singing “Man in the Mirror”. Love, me.

Casey James = a messy Ace Young. (also, apparently a porn star. Google Image search it yourself.) Long blonde hair isn’t usually my thing, but come on: he’s yummy. But please don’t sing Bubbly. Ever again. Actually, I’m going to recommend that for everyone, everywhere in the world. Stop singing it. Seriously!

Since the rest of the boys are a blur of Efron hair and gangly arms to me, I’m going to predict that one of them will capture tweenaged America’s hearts and win the entire thing.

Over here, we’ve got the girls: So, I really want to make this a world where we don’t talk about people’s appearances…but how can we not talk about Crystal Bowersox’s teeth. Girl, please slap on some Whitestrips and ease up on the coffee, cigs, or whatever’s causing that mess…cause it’s really distracting. But please don’t get a shiny makeover, because I dig the laid-back thing.

Can we talk about the Tori vs. Hailey thing? I loved the bit they showed where Tori was giving that tired piece of shit Katy Perry song the ska treatment. And I’m pretty sure that way back when Ellen said “she could get annoying”, she was definitely talking about Hailey, because as adorable as she may be, she did. Real quick.

Granted, I missed the last hour of the Tuesday show, but there were two chicks that I had NEVER seen before Wednesday’s show. I suppose they did not have a story that was exciting enough to share, but they even showcased Lilly’s sandwich artist career. How boring do you have to be to not get even 60 seconds of camera time, when they re-hash the same shizz over and over again and even feature Mary Powers for like, an entire episode. (“You’re punk rock!” ~ Avril “No. She’s not.”~ Punk Rock)

And we’re back to the all-boy/all-girl format. Looking forward to the cringe-worthy all-boy numbers. Let the cheese roll!

Facebook....DRAAMAAAAAAH!

True this article from CNN.com on the most annoying facebookers.

I have a FB friend (a "lurker"?) who "has no time for Facebook", yet is consistently up-to-date on my life via FB updates. I was somewhat creeped out at first, but seeing as that I *am* a daily FB user and truthfully, use it to organize my life (especially over the past few months as events, contacts and emails sync up through my BB which syncs up my Google calendar, yippee), I put it all out there. So I can't complain when someone sympathizes that I still don't have a fridge. It just surprises me. And somewhat irritates me. I thought they had no time for FB? But my life *is* innately fascinating, so I can't hate on their fixation with my status updates.

Deeper into the TMI...no group is more TMI than new moms. While of course you'd share a child's fever, worrisome illness symptoms, or potty successes (no details, please!), I don't really need to know about the contents of poop or the colour and composition of nasal discharge. I try to show the kids the respect of not mentioning their blueberry bums or constant crotch grabbing. (whoops.) Stuff on the internet can be permanent. And so many of my FB friends are guilty of this: naked baby/toddler/child pics! That shit is adorable, but there are creeps, oh so many creeps...

I also have a friend (maybe not much longer though?) who posts a monthly ("is not pregnant :(" ) post, along with lots of comments on my own child-related posts & pictures that just make me feel guilty ("I would trade sleep for a baby ANYTIME!") I'm all for wearing your heart on your sleeve but ... sigh.

I've also hid a few of the peeps whose status updates are a little over-the-top happy. Usually accompanied by excessive exclamation points. Maybe I'm just a cynic but when I read some of them, it makes me think: who are you trying to convince? ("had a great day with my hubby!!!! he is the best and such a wonderful life partner!!!! i am truly the luckiest person on the planet!!!!!") I'm all for shout-outs of love and respect and appreciating what we have, but some of you belong over at STFU, Marrieds.

On the other hand, those who are passive aggressively hashing it out via status update need some counselling. ("is cleaning up AGAIN while HE sits on the couch watching FOOTBALL.") Okay, that may have been an imaginary status update from my head. But if I add an "LOL!" or a "Men!! :)" it's not bitchy. Right?

Lastly, my favourite TMIs are the somewhere-out-there way back peeps I was barely friends with, at some point accepted their FB requests, who seem to still be rocking some *major* drama. My profile's restricted to those I barely know, because some of them are apparently batshit crazy, and to answer B's question of "why even be FB friends?", I present the following *actual* updates (censoring courtesy of me) so fun, especially coupled with the staggering amount of grammatically sketchy comments:

"why do i put myself through this? why cant i just accept that some people will continully disappoint me? U KNOW WHO U ARE" (too many of this ilk to list, from about 3 of my FB friends)

"from the pits of despair i rise up and say f**** you to all you HATERS!! oh not i, i will survive cos as long as i know how to love i know i will survive" (powerful.)

"finally HE IS GETTING A DIVORCE!!" (he didn't.)

The Bachelorette

Wes: comparisons to Graeme, but for me, not so much: Wes has a not-so-hidden agenda and also, ew.

Jake: Try hard much? I hate guys who moan about being perfect and so nice. Shut up.

Tanner: Foot fetish has come out of the quirky zone, straight into creepsville. Also, does he not realize he's gay?

Michael: too much ADD.

Jesse: I guess he's the front runner, for me. Seems psychologically sound (aside from appearing on a reality talk show), cute.

Everyone else: Meh.

I thought it was possibly Ed coming back, but it looks like it's Jake. Uh...now you're creepy stalker dude.

Jillian needs to find a nice CANADIAN boy, non?!!!

ANTM Cycle 1,002

I really, really want to post a prediction about whatever cycle of ANTM we're on. But I just can't be bothered...aside from the fabulous Miss J. Alexander, it's all just so terribly boring. I don't really want Janice Dickinson back, because she's become a cartoon character. And I do have to admit that this year's goddess theme was a definite improvements over last year's (cycle's!) campy alien theme.

But still, I'm pretty meh about the whole thing. At this point London is the only one with any personality, that I can see. (Yes, it's a personality contest.) I'm just not sure Tyra can make her cry.

I'm fondly remembering crazy b*tches past... you just know none of these snoozers are going to pee in a diaper, have bitches pouring beer on they weave, or not show appropriate awe and worship of Tyra, therefore inciting an insane rage. Where the Tiffanys at?!

What? Weird peeps in VV?

While perusing VV Boutique's offerings on a rare hour to myself this week, I was struck by how many men (aged 50+) were trolling the women's wear aisles. And really peering at all the stuff in a weird and creepy way. I started to really pay attention and see what a 50 year old man is looking for in the size 7/8 jeans section. (Because if they were looking for women's clothing in a size that fit them, I so wouldn't be curious, it would all make sense!) Then I realized all the junk on the shelf on the top of the racks. Oopsy. Back to your knicknacks, sir.

SYTYCDC

So far, it looks like So You Think You Can Dance Canada is following pretty much the same format as SYTYCD US, and it's working. By working, I mean I'm not cringing every 30 seconds like I do when watching Canadian Idol. Let's get real, Leah is no Cat, that's fo sho, but the mix of judges keeps it lively (especially love Jean-Marques, why?) and the dancers are so far, pretty good! And not a lot of nastiness either. Yay!

So far, my favourites are Nicolas from Montreal, Dario (Calgary), (which is kind of a no-brainer, he was so amazing!), and Isaak Smith.

I got slightly irritated when at show-closing we were advised that the show was pre-empted until October. Then I realized that October is just a week away...whoa!!

America's Next Top Model

I'd love to make a prediction for ANTM, but Tyra is one crazy bitch and I never know which direction she's going to zig or zag. I mean I want to call Isis 'cause you know Tyra is hoping to get some mad press and milk that mother for all it's worth, but you never know. My favourites = Pictures & actual beauty: Analeigh & Marjorie / Personality: Sheena...

Last night's highlights:
Elina and Clarke kissed (on a dare). Lots of commentary from Elina ("there were fireworks!"), and it did look like there was chemistry...but it was a remarkably Clarke-free episode. Wondering what she's thinking about THAT.

Hanna is possibly racist, based on her comments that she was not comfortable with transgendered peeps or "music like that" because she is "the whitest white girl ever". Go on and play that for all the drama you want, girls!

Sheena got called out for having "fake" breasts. I thought it was kind of rude to ask point blank like that, but hey, it is a show where you are being judged on your physical appearance. Gawd, I miss Janice Dickinson.

Next week: MAKEOVERS! HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! (ooops. Nikeysha got the boot.)