Okay. I know it's not "cool" to love America, but generally I do. I love their tv shows, their stores (sorry, Roots), and their ingenunity in finding new places in which to stuff cheese.
However, lately, I have been confused by several of America's decisions. I know that America itself did not specifically select the lazy-eyebrow-afflicted* Eric to be it's Player on this season's Big Brother (8, if you're counting). Nor do they pick the inane tasks that America's Player must perform. However, while America's early selections were dead-on (climbing into bed with Joe - well duh), or at least challenging (give the silent treatment to - gasp - Jessica? But she's my closest alliance!) - as the show's editing has shown Eric to be increasingly annoying and creepy, America decides to go easy on him? Giving him a chance to get closer to Jessica by passing on the woobie = barf. Although it made me fall a little bit in love with Zach and his extremely odd behaviour.
But the real reason that America has totally freaked me out is that it appears that America feels that a ventriloquist best represents its talent sector. No shit. A freaking puppeteer. Who apparently "hopes to bring back ventriloquism". America, I'll deal with you later. First of all. Puppet dude. There is a reason that ventriloquism is dead. Because it's weird and creepy. Puppets on their own are okay. Who doesn't love Fraggle Rock? But when I can see you with your hand up a puppet's butt and the entire show is basically you talking to yourself, it's just uncomfortable. Now I'm not saying you don't have talent. While I've never tried it, I'm sure that having the puppet sing while you drink a glass of water is tricky. But are you really the most talented person in America? No offense, but I watch a lot of Youtube and I'm going to have to give you a pass on that one.
America: It's not like there was no other talent on stage. I know you already have a show for singers. (By the way, so do we! Cool, huh? Unfortunately, like most Canadian rip-offs, it sucks.) And I'm not too sure about what, specifically, Butterscotch's talent was, or whether it was fair at all to do a final performance with the number one artist of the summer. But that other dude? He was really good!! And he may not have made it on American Idol, because, let's face it, he doesn't have what's called "the look" (because Clay Aiken TOTALLY has the look).
Anyway, America, you do have a chance to redeem yourself. PLEASE MAKE ERIC KISS ZACH!
*I prefer to think that one eyebrow is simply lazy, as opposed to the other eyebrow suffering from some kind of epilepsy, which appears to be the only other possible explanation. Yet, I do believe that one day, his left eyebrow will prevail and join the right one skewed at an impossible angle up on his forehead near where the curl-hawk used to nest.
**I really need to make it known that while I do watch Big Brother 8, I absolutely do not watch freakshows like America's Got Talent. I just happened to be flipping through the channels with absolutely everything being a repeat, and was first riveted by "Butterscotch", because I thought she was Ciara, and hey, where Ciara at? Then I got sucked into the drama of it all when I flipped through again and heard the drumroll.
***Jerry Springer: WTF?!!
